An irritated John Lennon wrote the following note – currently on display at the Mansion on O – in the 1970s, after discovering that one of his white shirts had somehow turned yellow in colour whilst at the hands of some laundry workers. Clearly, Yoko Ono had nothing to to do with it.

Transcript follows. Image courtesy of Gene Teale, but additional thanks go to Andrew Warlick for also suggesting this letter.

“Loose as many shits as possible”

A PLAN to install slop buckets in homes and offices has raised concerns that being environmentally-friendly could start to become a bit of a pain in the arse again.

Environment secretary Hilary Benn boosted Labour’s election chances yesterday by pledging to fit every building in the country with a festering bucket of left-over salmon that will stink like a Frenchwoman’s gusset by the middle of August.

But according to recent surveys most consumers believe buying expensive goods with pictures of trees on them is a valid contribution and have no intention of living next to a swing bin full of rancid cheese and luke-warm Fanta.

Architect and father-of-two Tom Logan said: “I don’t mind buying the rainforest biscuits or the dreadful sandals made from reconditioned cat uterus.

“I’ve even gotten rid of my telly and now take great satisfaction in telling people that I watch films and the news on my laptop.

“But I’ll be buggered if I’m fingering bits of sweaty cucumber. Plus it’s all a bit wartime and unsexy, like my nan.”

Teacher and Ecover washing up liquid owner Nikki Hollis said: “I firmly believe we must safeguard the planet’s natural resources for future generations, as long as it doesn’t involve too much fucking about.

“I just hope the government doesn’t raise the moral obligation bar to a level where you have to put yourself out a bit, for example by buying old fashioned nappies that you have to wash the turds off, or take glass bottles back to the shop for a refund like one of the Bash Street Kids.”

Mr Benn said: “There’s some lovely stuff right at the bottom. I think this used to be a gherkin.”

 

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